En Vogue

I'm taking a stab in the dark to assume you've heard the old adage "It's hip to be square"? The kind of crap parents tell you and usually it was just crap. Now it's true...but is it still hip if everyone is assuming four equal sides with matching right angles? (yeah I'm talking shit, but what of it? I graduated) And while we are so willing to throw our money away on piles of shit (believe me, I'd know) designers, artists and makers everywhere are creating all new shite to pander to this new found economy.

You see once upon a time people used to enjoy having things in common, it brought them together and they had loads of stuff to talk about at dinner parties where everyone would have a great time being similar (or whatever, what do I know?). If they had facebook in the 70's I'm sure you'd see a lot of this:

Delores "Dolly" McGroovy listening to ABBA records and wearing cheap cork-look platform shoes whilst staring at my grrroooooovy wallpaper!!!

Todd Duz-Dahustle ohhhh ABBA are sooo cool lets be friends!!

Shelly Von Func-rat Oh I know there are so NOW we are sooo trendy and cool!! Hey Dolly, wanna go drink Mello Yello and listen to really popular records at my place?

Delores "Dolly" McGroovy surrrre!! I'll wear my pantsuit and we can watch that new

show "Charlies Angels"!

or something like that.

My point is nowadays Dolly would call herself Dol and would only listen to vintage unreleased Velvet Underground records and her mp3 would be full of unheard of bands that all sound the same and maybe some Death Cab (but hey, she liked it before it was cool). Her status's would be all about the obscure coffee she's drinking, the Danish Directors Cut she's watching and all the other obscure shit she does to be cool.

Todd is known as Duz and thinks Dolly is too mainstream to be cool. He wears second-hand ties and button-up shirts in dated shades of mustard and powder blue. He not only liked Death Cab before they were cool but can't listen to them now that they've sold out (ie made enough money to support themselves doing something they love). He collects tea-cups from lifeline and makes little pot plants out of them whilst listening to underground music he spent ages on the Internet to find.

Shelly is still Shelly but she tries really hard to fit in with Dol and Duz. She wears the clothes and has the music but secretly she's listening to Lady Ga-Ga and keeping it a secret because Dol and Duz are the height of cool and she wants to be their friend but Lady Ga-Ga is mainstream.

So to cash in on this...lifestyle... companies everywhere are making products that are "tacky and obscure" by the truckload. For added convenience you can download a hip playlist of bands no ones heard of without lifting so much as a finger. You can buy "aged/distressed" Doc Martins, brand new.

You know I almost forgot to mention that 4 years ago Dol and Duz were "emos". They then became "scene kids".

The irony is, now that it's their mission in life to not only have alternative lifestyles but to be different from everyone in such a position, that they've all become totally the same. If you want to be different, be yourself - there's no one else like you!

Well Dol and Duz this is your lucky day, I hereby give you permission to be yourselves. Duz, if you like Death Cab just listen to them, infact - listen to them with Dol because she loves them too. Talk about how much you dig their lyrics or whatever (I've never really gotten into them so I wouldn't know, this is all for example) and how great it is that you both like them. Dol, I know your dying to wear those thick-ankled cage flats that are so mass-produced right now so just do it! Shelly - listen to Lady Gaga! Stop resetting the play count and telling people your little sister put it on there.

Because it may be hip to be square, but it's damn groovy to just be you!

And no, I don't apologise for how lame that sounds!

This Ain't A Holiday

Well I've been enjoying freedom for about 2 months now. By freedom I refer to the fact that I am no longer bound by the chains of educational institutions and I still don't have a real job (or a family of my own that depend on me as a carer). Actually, as of tomorrow I will be unemployed. In many years (or perhaps in a few weeks when I become a card-carrying apprentice) I will look back on this luxurious period of sloth with uncontrollable jealousy.

Or possibly sadness. It has occurred to me that it may be a lifetime until the cycle of life turns back to the point when wearing pajamas in the afternoon and doing jack crap all day is totally acceptable. It's called retirement.

But for now I have that once in a lifetime combination of freedom and youth. The world is my oyster really, I can do what I want when I want and not have to worry about responsibilities. Unfortunately my life is only small victories. Carpe diem never really occurs to me like it does to fictional boarding school boys. See, I think its exciting that I can piss my money away on signed albums and shit online to the point where I could carry my life savings around me and wouldn't be bothered too much if I got robbed. I can drink chai tea instead of water and no one cares. I could forget to go grocery shopping and make microwave omelette's with nothing in them for dinner and not be beaten by an hungry husband. I can spend the day reading magazines and feel productive.

It's actually really sad that the world is my oyster and I'm eating plankton. I mean shit, I could go out and help blind people. I could reach my goal weight. I could read every single popular penguin and totally think I'm top shit. I could learn Serbian-Croat and tell Milan Stankovich how much I love him and think he should have won last year's Eurovision in his native tongue. I could stop watching Dirty Dancing and maybe go out and learn some snazzy Latino inspired 60's grooves and totally get why it's so hilarious that Baby couldn't even do the Meringue.

It is a goal from now on to actually have goals. And maybe achieve them too. But hey baby steps right? If I'm going to seize the day I'm starting tomorrow. I'm going to wake up at 5am, take my dog down to the lake, sit on the jetty and watch the sun rise over the mountains and breathe in that country air - because my biggest goal of all is to live for the now. I suggest you do the same. Carpe Diem!!